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Hawk.... we did it. I dont' if you'll get this in time. But we're coming. WE know where you are. Stay safe. Remember......... Protect the CodE no matter what!

So, I'm in a weird part of my life. I've finally come to the point where I don't like my job anymore. It is too fucking political and full of bullshit. If you aren't Management or good friends in the "Management inner-circle" you get the shaft, man!!! It sucks. I need something knew. I need something worth while.

I can't become a Manager. With the schedule that Ginny and I have, I would be very hard on the weeks we have the kids. So, basically, I am working a job I do not like and cannot be promoted in. YEAH ME. I'm fine with not being able to be promoted. I don't think I would really want to either because I don't really like it here.

t sucks that Poway is so far, because I know that I can walk right into there, throw down my Resume and they would hire me. I just can't because of where they live; it's too far.

I don't really know what to do. I don't know how to provide for Ginny and the kids, better than I already am.

I've been tinkering around with the idea of joining the Reservist Military. I think that it would be a great oppurtunity for me to learn who I really am, and become the man I need to be. It would mean 2 incomes for me and plenty of life experience.

The only downfall is that I have to lose abuot 40-50 lbs. It's not impossible, but maaaaaaaan it's gonna be hard. I see people on The Biggest Loser, and think to myself; these guys are just Joe Schmoe's like myself. I can do that. But, I'm soooo unmotivated. I think that the idea of joining the Military is goiing to help me change my life, as far as my health.

Whether I join the miliary or not, losing 40-50 pounds will be incredible. I will be a different person. I've said it time and time again that I DO NOT like the way I look. I have a very big issue with my weight. However, over the last 4 years, I've done nothing really to change that. I've done nothing to lose weight. I didn't care.....

I was a 24-year-old who stilled lived @ home. Pretty fuckin' lame, huh? I didn't give 2 shits about losing weight and exercising. I didn't have a girlfriend because of the way I looked. I didn't really go out much because of the way I looked. Aside from Pool and Bowling, I was a bit of a social outcast. I didn't like big crowds, or clubs. I was never the cool guy. I never fit into that crowd. Everytime I tried, I always felt like a fucking idiot. I was made fun of or felt left out. I know that part of me is saying to go tell of them to go fuck themselves for not letting me in their crowd. Telling me that if someone is going to not include me or make fun of me, I'm too good for them anyways. But the other part of me, always wanted to fit in and be cool and be appreciated and looked up to. I always wanted to be the guy who could go to the beach my with buddies and hang out with all the girls in bikinis. I always wanted to be in the group that, when people saw us they'd say, " WOW! I wanna be like them". That never happened.

I couldn't even fit in amongst the people in The Police Academy. Even they made of fun and never really allowed me to fit in. So after all of this, what was my answer each and everytime?

To crawl into my room and baracade mysekf in there for days. Only coming out for food, and to go to work. Video Games and TV.... NONSTOP!! Never exercised, never got outside. All I did was get fatter and fatter. It sucks.

10 months ago, had I been the proper weight, I would have signed my life over to The United Sataes Navy and left everything behind in San Diego. I would've only returned to see my family. I wanted out of San Diego, I needed to be free. Not being allowed into the NAVY was crushing blow to my ego. I can't fit in with the " IN CROWD " and I can't even fit in with the fucking Military.

However, I was rewarded a few months after that. I met my Soul Mate. I know, in my heart, that she is the person that I am going to spend the rest of my life with. If I would have joined the Military, I would have never met my Ginny.

It's funny that I didn't join becasue now, after meeting her, I'm thinking of joining. WEIRD

That's it for now. Until next time..... Up The Irons