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So, there’s gonna be a chance that I will be able to apply to be a manger @ work. I know I was talking all that shit about not wanting to be here anymore and blah, blah, blah. If I apply and don’t get it, or if I can’t apply I’m gonna start to look somewhere else. I filled out a resume for Monster.com. I think tonight I’m gonna start looking.
I think it would be cool to be a manager @ The Home Depot.

I just hope that something can turn around in my life. I don’t want to live paycheck to paycheck anymore. Part of my problem is lack of self-respect. I said last week that I was going to start looking for work somewhere else. The only thing I’ve done was create a resume on Monster.com/ I didn’t look into the Sheriff’s thing and I didn’t look into the Military thing.

I don’t know what my problem is. Yesterday, when I was @ work, I told myself that either when I got home, or when the boys were asleep, I was gonna clean the apartment. Did that happen? NOPE. Instead, I fell asleep reading Harry Potter and The Sorcerer’s Stone. Right now, when I get home, later, I want to clean. But it probably won’t happen. Why? Because I know that I have the TV, video games, books, there @ my disposal. This sounds stupid, but I have to be strong. I know that the apartment is filthy. It needs a lot of cleaning. I just have to go home and fucking do it.

I just wish that I would stop saying one thing and doing another. Why can’t I just commit to doing whatever it is I was gonna do? I guess I’ve been like that my whole life! Procrastinating until the something has to be done. Sometimes I’ll procrastinate so long that it’s too late. I’m tired of doing late. That is the reason why I didn’t get the Dispatching job. I’m such an idiot. I wanna be a better person. I have the desire to do so, but not the willpower. WHAT THE FUCK MAN!!!!!!

That’s fucking it for now. Until next time…. Fuck it!!!!