x02x29x08x

You know what? I'm fucking tired of doing what I'm doing. I'm fucking tired of the daily grind. It's time for a god damn change. That's it man, Game Over. I am soooooooooooooo tired of working where I work. I am tired of not being able to provide for my family the way I need to.

Starting next week, the search is on. The first two places I am looking to is The San Diego County Sheriff's Deapartment and The United States Navy.

I think that either career chioce is a great one. My biggest 2 hurdles for either one is my weight and my vision. I have a weight issue and a vision issue. I plan on taking care of both of them. I can no longer continue to do what I do. I'm better than this.

I am going to focus on losing weight in a way I didn't think possible. I am gonna try to go to the gym everyday possible. I am so ready to be fit. I'm tired of being fat. I'm tired of being ugly and stupid. I ...................... so fucking frustrated. I don't like myslef right now. I haven't in a while!

I have no self-respect. I have no self-control when it comes to junk food. I'm tired of being tempted by shitty food. I need to start eating right and having more control. I wish that I hadn't been so lazy for the past 8 years. Then I wouldn't be so fat and stupid and lazy.

You know, everyone has issues. Most people express them freely. Me..... I bottle it in until I can't take it. I don't wanna be a big fat stupid idiot anymore. I'd like to make a contribution to society. I don't want to be a sheep anymore. I don't want to do the same thing over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over again. I NEED A CHANGE. I NEED SOMETHING NEW. I'M TIRED, I'M SUFFOCATING. I can't do it anymore.

I was meant to do something different. The law Enforcement thing was something I wanted to do 5 years. I went through the Police Academy in 2003. Shortly after the academy, I lost interest in working in law enforcement. I realize now, how STUPID I was for not pursuing a career in Law Enforcement. What I didn't realize is that just because I went through the POLICE ACADEMY, that didn't mean that my only choice was to become a COP. I WAS SUCH A FUCKING IDIOT!!!! It's something that I've really regained interest in. I ROYALLY FUCKED MYSELF for blowing a great oppurtunity with the SD Sheriff's Radio Dispatching Program. I blew the Backgroung Interview and slit my own throat for the next 9 months.

The Military is another thing that I would like to look into. I would've already joined about 10 months ago, had I been the appropriate weight. Once agian, my weight issue has affected my life.

10 months ago, I wanted to get the hell out of San Diego. I still do, in a sense that, I want to see the world. I want to visit another country, another continent. I still have a desire to, at least, look into the Military thing. Whether it's Active Duty ot Reservres.

The only problem with the Military thing, is if I were to join and get stationed in a place other than San Diego, i wouldn't be able to be with Ginny. I would NEVER, EVER ask her to move away from her kids. I couldn't do that. I'm not that kind of guy. I couldn't pull her away from the kids. Family has to come before anything.

So the Military may not be a thing that'll happen, but I still would like to look into it.

I just have to get out of the Call Center. I can't take it here anymore. I'm going crazy. The ONLY thing stopping me from going home right now is the fact that my attendance is not good for this month and I don't want to be counselled on it. I wish i didn't have to take this job so seriously. People act like this is the most important place in the world to work. STUPID!!!!

I need something NEW. Something more challenging. I can't keep working here! The job is okay, but the people and the rules and the politics are going to frive me clinically insanse. GOD FUCKING DAMNIT. I JUST WANT TO GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE RIGHT NOW. i WISH I COULD LEAVE. I CAN'T WAIT TO SAY GOODBYE TO THIS PLACE. The only good thing is that I ge to work with my Uncle and my Pops. Other then that, FUCK IT!!

I''m so fed up with this place. Just look at how much I have written about it. I WANT OUT. I want to break free of the Home Depot chains.

That's it for now. Until next time..... A.D.I.D.A.S. ( All Day I Dream About Sex )